Allah, Why Me? It's Not Fair.

Assalamualaikum.

I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine about struggles.
No wait, it wasn't really a discussion. We were just talking on the phone, catching up on old times.
So that makes it a what? Perhaps casual conversation.

I know people who change for the better. They come to a point in their lives where Allah is their priority.
And in these times, their love for Allah is so beautiful, it inspires the rest of us to patch up our relationships with Allah as well.
But things may take a spiral downwards when they face a big obstacle, so big, it changes them for the worst, they start asking "What did I do to deserve this, Allah?"
"Why me?"
"Is this fair, Ya Allah?"

And these are dangerous questions indeed. They are the wrong questions.

Often in our lives, we are too caught up with this life that we forget to focus on the Hereafter. The way I see it, that is what obstacles are for. Sometimes we need to be pushed over, we need to fall and bleed. Why? So we stop in our tracks, look around, assess where we are and finally, look up to Allah.
So, did Allah push us for nothing?
Of course not, Allah has a reason for everything.

Tell yourself that.
Allah is doing this for a reason.

Another way to put it is OBSTACLES = CHANCES.

The best lessons are the the ones where you make mistakes and learn from them.
Am I right or am I very right?
So, in this journey towards building the best relationship you can with Allah, there are things you know and there are things you don't know.
This is your process of getting to know Allah.
These obstacles are the pathstones towards Allah.
Allah is showing you the way.
Perhaps this is Allah's way of saying "I want to bring you closer to Me, so grab this opportunity."
Perhaps this is Allah's way of showing you "Look up. I'm here for you. Remember Me because I remember you."
It is a chance for repention.
It is a chance for further prostration towards Allah.
It is a chance for you to earn Allah's love.
It is a chance to get closer to Allah.
Is this not a wonderful opportunity?

If it takes a struggle to draw you closer to Allah, then Allah must love you so much to test you with struggle after struggle after struggle.
He must love you so damn much.
He wants you closer.
He wants you to love Him back.
And when that realisation hits you, it's a mixture of tears and happiness and all of a sudden you feel so empowered by this force you didn't even knew existed.
All of a sudden, you can move mountains and slay vampires.
All of a sudden, it doesn't matter anymore what obstacles you face.
You embrace this challenge, this opportunity, this expression of love.

Once, my mother looked me straight in the eye and said
"I don't know why He is putting you through this but He must love you very much to do it."
And Wallahi, I had tears welling up in my eyes.

When I face an obstacle, I panic. I become anxious.
This goes on for about an hour.
Then when I remind myself to remember Allah, and His reasons, and His wisdom,
I calm down.
My heart stops racing.
I don't feel faint.
All that's left is gratitude and happiness.

It's easy sometimes to forget Allah. Or not necessarily forget, it's easy to NOT feel the presence of Allah.
Well, hopefully we won't look at difficulties and obstacles in a negative way anymore.
They are His reminders to us.
And if we remember enough times, if we keep being reminded, then maybe (hopefully) we won't forget.

So, let's welcome these challenges!

^_^

Tweedle-dee, Tweedle-dum,
Assalamualaikum.

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Housewife Vs Doctor

Assalamualaikum.

So I heard this today.
"Aku yang pandai ni lekat kat rumah je. Kawan-kawan yang dulu tak pandai jadi doctor-lah, apa lah."

So I said,
"InshaAllah di mata Allah, you are in a high position. Tugas ibu ni bukannya soal remeh."

And she said,
"Alah, tapi tak class lah."

So I said,
"Di mata Allah, class sangat."

My sister who happen to be there added,
"Tak nak ke class di mata Allah?"

I think there's an issue here.
Doctor, housewife? Siapa yang lebih hebat?

The point in this is not to attack any sides.
The main reason I chose to write this blog post was to differentiate between the two and then we can decide for ourselves where we are, which side we are on.

Firstly, let's target soal wanita yang bekerja (yang sudah berumahtangga).
Bukan menjadi tanggungjawab isteri untuk mencari nafkah.
Adapun isteri bekerja, suami tidak berhak meminta wang daripada isterinya hasil dari kerja isteri.
Wanita tidak diharamkan bekerja.
Basically, hukum wanita bekerja adalah harus.
But there are certain conditions and rules to go by (kena dengan fitrah wanita, menjaga aurat, etc).
Do you want a separate blog post dedicated to that? I might do that.
Tapi paling digalakkan adalah supaya isteri menumpukan sepenuh perhatian terhadap membesarkan dan mendidik anak-anak.

Suami tidak ada tanggungjawab untuk mendidik dan membesarkan anak ke?
Eh ada, mestilah ada. Tak terlepas juga dari tanggungjawab mereka.
Cuma, sesuai dengan fitrah semulajadi wanita yang lebih lembut dan lebih sensitif, the presence of the mother is more vital in the early growth stages of the child.
Bukan nak kata bapa itu tidak penting, cuma lagi parah kalau ibu tiada dibandingkan dengan kalau bapa tiada.
Plus, suami sudah ada tanggungjawab yang berat untuk mencari nafkah untuk keluarga.

These days, in certain cases, it isn't sufficient for the husband to be the sole breadmaker of the family.
Times can be hard, and in these cases, if the wife chooses to work, and help her husband, she is rewarded by Allah (inshaAllah) as if she has done charity.

Jadinya, housewife vs doctor?
Of course, Islam menggalakkan isteri supaya menjadi housewife kecuali apabila keadaan sudah terlampau mendesak seperti dalam situasi seorang janda membesarkan anak sendiri.
But the question here cannot be so simply generalised.
On the housewives side, there are all sorts of mothers.
And the same is said on the doctor's side.
So the question here is how do these mothers use their time?

Now do you understand why there is often a generalisation?
It's almost inevitable, you know, not having a lot of time for the family when you are working as a doctor.
It's one of the main reasons why I had my doubts on furthering my studies in Medicine.
I remember when I was doing my hospital attachment and a doctor (female) told me,
"Nak ambil Medicine, family, bye bye."
Kind of scary, huh?

When you have to choose between treating an emergency patient and going to your kid's Parent-Teacher's meeting, it's easy to take the latter for granted.
And I'm not saying it's bad of a person to choose to treat the emergency patient.
I understand how it can't be helped.
The person you treat might go on to live a wonderful life and that's great.
But a petty thing, like, a Parent-Teacher's meeting, you might think it would not affect the child.
Children are fragile.
They might not cry over it.
They might not sulk or hold a grudge.
But subconsciously, it affects them.
And I am not making this up. And no, I am not being dramatic. 
I know this for a fact.

That is why Islam does not burden the women with the task of providing for the family (in terms of shelter, food, money, etc.).
Isteri ada tanggungjawab menjadi manager rumahtangga.

Memang orang selalu pandang suri rumah tangga ni remeh.
"Jadi suri rumah, tak payah ada degree pun."
Amboi. Degree itu cuma status yang manusia bagi.
Agaknya di sisi Allah, apa qualification level kita? Degree? pHD? UPSR?
Suri rumah pun perlu bijak.
Macam-macam ilmu perlu ada.
Diplomacy, psychology, fardhu ain, adab santun, etc.

So, it depends on the person.
Kalau housewife, tapi kerjanya asyik tidur saja, tengok tv, then hmmm, hebatkah?
Kalau doctor, and sangat strict dalam memperuntukkan waktu untuk meluangkan masa dengan  keluarga, hebatnya!

So in this battle, between housewife and doctor, WHO WINS?
Whoever does not abandon their duties.
That's the winner.
Be it doctor or housewife.

I dedicate this blog post to my mother, who is a super-mum, a housewife, yang sabar je melayan kerenah kitorang yang macam-macam ni.

Di mata kami, Mak lah yang paling glamour!
Happy Mother's Day!!

Tweedle-dee, Tweedle-dum,
Assalamualaikum.

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