My Kick-start to The Light (How It Started)

Assalamualaikum.
Good little sponge, do your thing and absorb. ^_^

My story
I had everything i wanted in life, if not more.
Everything i wanted, i got.
Not that i was a spoilt brat, i was dead stubborn.
Too stubborn to lose.

If i wanted something, i would work like a crazy woman (in my way of course).
Yes, there is the occasional i-want-it-but-i-cant-get-it, but if i'm too lazy to work for it, i don't deserve it in the first place.
I felt my life was empty, like something was missing.
I knew it had to be more than just material.





I didnt find it till a few months ago, when i met a new friend.
I already knew her for a long time, but only then did she start to be my best friend.
I like her. She was super-duper sweet.

She didn't cuss, the furthest she would go was "bloody" (is that cussing by the way?)
She smiled a lot. =)
When others werent there for me, she was.
I love her, she's awesome.
She even started to ask me to accompany her to the musolla after prep to pray.
Slowly, it started to seep into me.
The feeling was indescribable. I didnt know i had it in me.

After i pray, i would just sit there and watch her.
She amazed me. "Ya Allah, baiknya budak nih".
For once in my life, i didnt feel so empty.
I did what i could and felt happy.
I felt whole.
"Aku bersyukur ya Allah, Kau beri aku kawan macam ni."

And i really was.
In some ways, i influenced her, and in a way, she influenced me.
She started wearing hand socks, Allah je yang tahu gembiranya bila dia cakap dia nak pakai.
She would remind me whenever i crossed the limits and did something wrong.
SUPER BUDDY .

^_^ i remember us both, curled up at the back of the mussolla, trying to take a short nap (i struggled because apparantly, my head seemed like a comfy cushion for a nearby cat.) so we could perform our tahajjud prayers.
It was AWESOME (yes, i like the word awesome).

Im not sure whether i just went overboard, or it was what i was supposed to feel, because i started to feel real BAD.
I wasn't as cheerful as i used to be.
I guess, the sins of the past just caught up and killed me with guilt.
I cried everyday, for about three weeks, which wasnt very healthy, im sure.
Some noticed, some didnt.
Some were terribly concerned because SPM was just less than a month's time away.
I even cried on the day BEFORE SPM.
Oh well, whats done is done.
I just felt awful.
i cried in my prayers.
I came to a point where my friend just said the word 'death' and i started trembling (and that was during a chemistry workshop or something).
i'm not afraid of death, i'm afraid of what comes after it.
I was too scared because i knew i wasnt ready.

A friend of mine told me to read the surah al-fatihah 7 times, open the tafsir and read the translation on the right (try it, i've done it a couple of times and it surely does work). i did that and this is what came up

Kemudian, sesungguhnya Tuhanmu (mengampuni) orang yang mengerjakan kesalahan kerana kebodohannya, kemudian mereka bertaubat setelah itu dan memperbaiki (dirinya), sungguh, Tuhanmu setelah itu benar-benar Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang.
(16;119)

Bak kata senior, Amier Idris, "In your face!"
Allah saja yang tahu betapa hina dan kerdilnya diri ni rasa pada saat itu.
Macam-macam jahat dah buat, diampunkan juga? 
 i vowed that day i would not take Allah for granted anymore.
 
SPM dah dekat, rasa macam tak peduli saja.

But, eventually i started to cheer up, kalau difikirkan, bersedih selalu juga tak elok.
Lebih baik menangis di dalam, dekat luar kuat. ^_^
Bersedih seorang diri, tak dapat tolong kawan-kawan yang lain.
I too, want to contribute something to Islam.
A responsibility is a responsibility and i will do what i can.

ps: i am just sharing. please do not consider me riak or apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya. I am merely trying to show you what Islam did to me. 

*this could be fictional. don't take my word on it. ^_^