My Kick-start to The Light (How It Started)

Assalamualaikum.
Good little sponge, do your thing and absorb. ^_^

My story
I had everything i wanted in life, if not more.
Everything i wanted, i got.
Not that i was a spoilt brat, i was dead stubborn.
Too stubborn to lose.

If i wanted something, i would work like a crazy woman (in my way of course).
Yes, there is the occasional i-want-it-but-i-cant-get-it, but if i'm too lazy to work for it, i don't deserve it in the first place.
I felt my life was empty, like something was missing.
I knew it had to be more than just material.





I didnt find it till a few months ago, when i met a new friend.
I already knew her for a long time, but only then did she start to be my best friend.
I like her. She was super-duper sweet.

She didn't cuss, the furthest she would go was "bloody" (is that cussing by the way?)
She smiled a lot. =)
When others werent there for me, she was.
I love her, she's awesome.
She even started to ask me to accompany her to the musolla after prep to pray.
Slowly, it started to seep into me.
The feeling was indescribable. I didnt know i had it in me.

After i pray, i would just sit there and watch her.
She amazed me. "Ya Allah, baiknya budak nih".
For once in my life, i didnt feel so empty.
I did what i could and felt happy.
I felt whole.
"Aku bersyukur ya Allah, Kau beri aku kawan macam ni."

And i really was.
In some ways, i influenced her, and in a way, she influenced me.
She started wearing hand socks, Allah je yang tahu gembiranya bila dia cakap dia nak pakai.
She would remind me whenever i crossed the limits and did something wrong.
SUPER BUDDY .

^_^ i remember us both, curled up at the back of the mussolla, trying to take a short nap (i struggled because apparantly, my head seemed like a comfy cushion for a nearby cat.) so we could perform our tahajjud prayers.
It was AWESOME (yes, i like the word awesome).

Im not sure whether i just went overboard, or it was what i was supposed to feel, because i started to feel real BAD.
I wasn't as cheerful as i used to be.
I guess, the sins of the past just caught up and killed me with guilt.
I cried everyday, for about three weeks, which wasnt very healthy, im sure.
Some noticed, some didnt.
Some were terribly concerned because SPM was just less than a month's time away.
I even cried on the day BEFORE SPM.
Oh well, whats done is done.
I just felt awful.
i cried in my prayers.
I came to a point where my friend just said the word 'death' and i started trembling (and that was during a chemistry workshop or something).
i'm not afraid of death, i'm afraid of what comes after it.
I was too scared because i knew i wasnt ready.

A friend of mine told me to read the surah al-fatihah 7 times, open the tafsir and read the translation on the right (try it, i've done it a couple of times and it surely does work). i did that and this is what came up

Kemudian, sesungguhnya Tuhanmu (mengampuni) orang yang mengerjakan kesalahan kerana kebodohannya, kemudian mereka bertaubat setelah itu dan memperbaiki (dirinya), sungguh, Tuhanmu setelah itu benar-benar Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang.
(16;119)

Bak kata senior, Amier Idris, "In your face!"
Allah saja yang tahu betapa hina dan kerdilnya diri ni rasa pada saat itu.
Macam-macam jahat dah buat, diampunkan juga? 
 i vowed that day i would not take Allah for granted anymore.
 
SPM dah dekat, rasa macam tak peduli saja.

But, eventually i started to cheer up, kalau difikirkan, bersedih selalu juga tak elok.
Lebih baik menangis di dalam, dekat luar kuat. ^_^
Bersedih seorang diri, tak dapat tolong kawan-kawan yang lain.
I too, want to contribute something to Islam.
A responsibility is a responsibility and i will do what i can.

ps: i am just sharing. please do not consider me riak or apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya. I am merely trying to show you what Islam did to me. 

*this could be fictional. don't take my word on it. ^_^

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Nak Berubah Tp Tak Berani?

Assalamualaikum.
Before i get into what 'at-first pain' means, i want to tell you about the incident that inspired me.

the incident.
My mother was doing her 'sewing' thing so barang2 menjahit tu bersepah2 dekat area dia buat kerja tu.
My not-so-baby sister wanted a glass of water, so being the AWESOME sister that I AM (^_^), bergeraklah ke arah meja untuk ambil air.
And then, OUCH, terpijaklah satu objek yang ada dekat atas lantai.
Rupa-rupanya, my mother's magnet block that she uses to make sure that the pins and needles don't go merata-rata.
Then i looked at my foot, there was this needle sticking out of my foot, halfway in already. =.="

Nak kata tak sakit, ada lah jugak, nak kata sakit sangat, tak juga.
So i tried to pull it out, OH BROTHER, memang dalam jarum tu masuk.
 Everytime i tried to pull it out, i would end up laughing because it hurt and i was too scared to.




My little brother came near me with a pair of pliers and a hammer.
He handed me the pliers and said ;

"Baik kak long tarik cepat, kalau tidak, Fahmi ketuk jarum tu guna hammer nih, biar masuk lagi dalam". and laughed.

=.=" Bully. 

After a few minutes, jarum tu still sticking out of my foot.

My brother came near me.  
 "Don't you dare come near me". Saya pandang dengan muka yang super-duper garang. (XDD)

I know he just wanted to help, but seriously, not this time.
Finally, i just sat in a corner, shut my eyes, gripped the pliers firmly and PULLED, FAST.

The first thing on my mind, thats it?
Penat2 je buat drama tadi. =.=" rupa2nya, tak sakit apa pun.
so that is what inspired me (haha i know that doesnt really sound very inspiring =D)





So, apa kaitannya dengan blog post kali ini?
I want to relate it to the FIRST move we make when we decide to change, or improve to be better.
Because there always is the first leap.
 Lets say you find yourself in a bad situation.
Its just like me, stuck sitting on a chair, with a needle poking out of my foot.
Nak ambil apa2 tindakan, takut sebab tak pernah alami situasi macam tu.
We know that sooner or later we have to do something, we just dont know when to start.
Like the first leap to being a better muslim or just being a better person generally.
Kita selalu sangat bertangguh nak berubah nih, nak taubat nasuha.

Semakin lama, semakin teruk keadaan kita (jarum tu kalau biarkan lama2, mesti bawa mudarat, ken? Karat dan sebagainya..)
And then, mesti ada orang datang nak tolong (my brother, although cruel, did try to help), orang yang mungkin ada pengalaman berdepan dengan situasi yang sama.
They can help by advising us on what to do, but in the end, we are the ones that have to pull the needle out.
People can guide us, tell us what to do, tapi kita yang mesti cari kekuatan untuk berubah.
And when we have taken that BIG STEP, we realise, it isn't hard at all. It's not as painful as we thought it would be.

Kita takut nak berubah mula-mula tu.
Macam2 yang kita takut,

nanti orang tu kata aku ni bajet baik pula.

nanti kawan aku tak nak kawan dengan aku sebab kata aku ni baik sangat.

nanti orang kata aku ni hipokrit.

nanti semua orang cakap aku old-fashioned.

Its all in our head (alaa, jarum je pun).
And then when we do it, "oh, this isn't as bad as i thought it would be"

and it seriously isn't.
Syaitan nak hasut kita tuh,
OHOHO well better luck next time because im winning this time! MWAHAHAHAHA (ok, cut that out.).

in a nutshell:
Memang lah mula2 tu kita rasa macam susah sikit but then, it doesnt take long to get used to. =)
Yang penting, usaha tu ada. ^_^ Beranilah buat perubahan.

third step to self-detox: Be brave. be fearless. ^_^ Have faith in Allah, He's not going anywhere.

ps: please suggest blog topics at amisamsuri@yahoo.com or just comment. =)

other posts; Pergaulan (Part One), Pergaulan (Part Two), My First Day

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Pergaulan (Part Two)

Assalamualaikum,
well, like i said, here is part two.

take a deep breath and get ready to suck some knowledge in. *wink wink..ehem2, insyaAllah.

Part Two

 meh sini, pergaulan bukan je antara lelaki dengan perempuan.
Perempuan dengan perempuan pon ada
Lelaki dengan lelaki pon ada.
Berkawan tu pon pergaulan juga.
Everything is balanced. Kalau pergaulan 'tak bagus' tu wujud, mesti pergaulan 'bagus' pun ada. =)

 (i wanted to show an example picture, but then, tak elok la tunjuk gambar orang dedah aurat =.=")
 So, teddy bear picture will do. haha

Mesti jaga batas, mesti ikut adab2 tertentu, ya tak?
tak semestinya dengan kawan sama jantina, tak perlu jaga aurat.


But like i mentioned in my post Pergaulan (Part One), we KNOW already.
But KNOWing and DOing are two VERY different things. agreed?

We ALL want the best for our friends. Kalau tidak, takkan lah namanya kawan, ken?
so, nasihatlah kearah kebaikan.
Some don't take advices very well, so why don't we just ajak buat benda elok2?
It is pretty obvious that doing good things is easier than staying away from bad ones.
Hey, at least we're doing SOMETHING. =) isnt that a satisfaction on its own?
or, for the superior, improve for the better.
No need to say a word, just DO. 

see? actions are better than words. Heee ;D

DO NOT PUSH AWAY FROM YOUR FRIENDS.
good or bad, they are still your friends and friends complete each other. ^_^
You may be better than them in ONE way, but they could be better than you in MANY other ways.
Who is the bad end; you or your friend?
Thats just it, we don't know.
Allah SWT je yang berhak tentukan.
Maybe kita rasa kita ni baik, but then kita dapat confirmekan ke?

Apa bukti kawan kita tu kurang baiknya? tak ada ken?

The same applies kalau kita kawan dengan orang yang kita rasakan lebih baik daripada kita. how do we know?

So, sama2 lah kita saling memperbaiki diri.

We know our weaknesses, we know what we have done wrong, so....fix it. simple.
fix it slow and steady. istiqamah adalah yang terpenting.
Allah lebih suka usaha kecil yang dilakukan secara istiqamah berbanding usaha besar yang tidak ada istiqamahnya.

one way i like to put it is; something to do with a nail and a hammer.
If you hit FULL FORCE on the first strike with the hammer, you take long breaks because you get tired. Plus, there is the additional risk of cracking the wood.
Tak kukuh lah kalau macam tu. ya tak?
Cuba kalau kita ketuk slow2, kita pun kurang penatnya, n there is less risk of cracking the wood.
Therefore, lagi kukuh lah.=) *cheer cheer*
=.=" apa punya perumpamaan lah Ami nih...




So take things SLOW and EASY.

Step two to self-detox: Ajaklah kawan ke arah kebaikan. kalau kawan kita nasihat, terimalah dengan baik.
Its normal to be offended, but COME ON, how long are we going to let our ego come between us? no no.

Not going to happen. Friends are much more worth than that, don't you think?

PS: OH MY GOSH, blogging is much more awesome-er than facebook. who would have known? O.O

click here for Pergaulan (Part One)

will there be a part three? INSYAALLAH.=)

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My First Day

Mom was shocked when i called her yesterday and asked her to make me a BIG BIG hijab.
tudung labuh bulat lah senang cerita.
I'm not sure why i want to do this, i just feel like it.

Yes, i admit, one part of the idea scares intimidates me, I'm not sure i am THAT strong.
Kids who go to sekolah agama, dah terbiasa. Alhamdulillah lah kalau macam tu.
Orang macam saya nih, setakat pergi sekolah agama 'extra' selepas sesi sekolah habis tu pon, tak pernah = =".

Ilmu pun tidaklah seberapa, but hey, it doesnt hurt to learn, ken?

 At work
Walking up the stairs, i started to get nervous, REAL NERVOUS.
i wasnt sure what to expect, i wasnt ready yet,
but i know, THERE IS NO TIME TO WASTE.
putting it on for the first time this morning, i took a deep breath and actually felt OKAY.
I should do this, its good for me.
InsyaAllah jadi peringatan untuk diri saya untuk mendekatkan diri lagi dengan Allah SWT.
 Hari ini, as usual, i asked Encik Hata too open the locked office doors.

He acted different, didnt even look at my face.

Alhamdulillah ^_^
its only 10 in the morning, so i cant say much about what happened, but now, im feeling AWESOME.
like, SUPER DUPER.

Like i could conquer the world (okay maybe not for real = = ).








But i feel peaceful. Seronok.

PS: Dad's face was priceless, he couldnt stop smiling. BHAHA. Ada-ada je yang sorang nih. haha

in the mood, nak tulis Pergaulan Part Two lah. =D

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Pergaulan (Part One)

Bismillahirahmanirrahim

Bosan juga ckp psl pergaulan ni, tp rasanya, zaman skarang nih, ni yg mengganggu kepala sikit kot. So thats what i am going to talk about.
I am going to break this into several parts, only because i dont want ONE post to get terribly long, even I get annoyed reading such posts. Haha

So, ada ape dengan pergaulan nih sebenarnya? Biasa lah. Targetnya, crowd muda sikit kot. Almaklumlah, nak ckp from an adults point of view, i'm not one myself.

Part One

Kita start dgn ni la ye. LOVE.
The thing or word that supposedly justifies pergaulan bebas or 'displays of affection'.
cinta nih tak salah pon. Semua org pon nak merasa cinta nih, tp ada lah caranya ken?
Nowadays, teenagers are just stuck in the barat2 way of love.
to love, means to do this and to do that.
its not that we are not AWARE of the wrong in what we are doing, we just seem to IGNORE the fact.
Every muslim knows that aurat perempuan sekian sekian, aurat lelaki pula sekian sekian.
Ask a six-year old and she would be able to answer.
The problem is, we dont have enough faith in Allah to restrain ourselves from such things.
And when we manage to, we only see the LARGE matters, ignore the petty ones.

Example, bersentuhan antara lelaki dan perempuan ajnabi itu salah, SANGAT SALAH, kata RAMAI org. But then brape ramai org yg ckp lelaki dan perempuan berckp tentang hal yang tak mustahak itu salah? Tak ramai.
Tak ada yang menghalalkan, cuma, ramai yg ambil ringan je.
"ala, bukannnya apa pon. Cakap je...."

Saya ni pon, bukannya baik sangat, banyak jugak buat. Saya tahu salah, tp kadang2, susah nak STOP. Kadang2, sedar tak sedar kita melampaui batas pergaulan yg ada. Sebab itulah kita mesti selalu diingatkan.
We are only normal beings, we are forgetful and we must be reminded.

Bila dah terlebih tu, cepat2 istighfar.
Susah juga, nanti ada yang cakap sombong. Tp jangan risau, Allah ada dengan kita.
Thats why we should tuntut ilmu bersungguh2.
Belajar bercakap dengan berhemah.
InsyaAllah, kalau cakap dengan kawan kita elok2, mesti dia faham.
Not necessarily RIGHT AWAY, but they will get it someday. ^_^ been there. InsyaAllah.

DO NOT BUTT IN LIKE A MAD PERSON. Islam itu kan indah, buktikan. :)

I am currently going through a self-detox, 'cuci diri' la lebih kurang.

Jom join sama. One step at a time.

First step: try to avoid chatting with the opposite sex kalau sekadar nak main2 and bosan. kalau nak bercakap jugak (memang susah sikit), cuba cari topik yang bermanfaat sikit untuk dibualkan. Kalau drastik sangat, tak LEKAT nanti.
Dont get upset with yourself if you stumble and buat silap skali sekala. Get up, istighfar and start over.

Allah mesti dah banyak tolong kita walaupun kita banyak buat salah, never gave up on us.

Lets not give up on Him.

Tunggu part two ye.

Lets pray for umat islam. Bangkit2.

ps; still new to this kind of thing, i am just a silly human being with a lot of mistakes.

click here for Part Two

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